Teenage era, The Living in Hell era for parents?

I remember when I was a teenager very well. I can honestly say that I was far more worse than he is right now. Infact he looks like a parents wet dream compared to what I was! I think I might be too over-protective with him. Everytime I see him doing something wrong I think about how I was and I panic, thinking he is headed in the same direction and I get really strict with him. Ive seen parents with worse and I feel for them. I should feel lucky and I do but Im making myself sick worried the worse will happen with him. The worse he has done is be an hour late on his curfew which happens almost everynight. But generally he is a good kid. He doesnt talk back to me, he doesnt cuss at me, if I tell him to do something for me he does it with no questions, he works in the family business without complaints each day after school. I understand his need to have friends and to have a social life. I just want him to pick the right friends. What can I do to chill out without driving him nuts to?

Teenage era, The Living in Hell era for parents?
Know who his friends are - let them come over once in a while. You will get a picture of who he hangs out with, how they talk and what they are generally like. Our guys have friends over often and my wife and I are glad to know who they are.





If you know who he hangs out with and where he is, it puts both of you in a good place. But, don't let him get away with the cerfew lateness!! He must understand that rules is rules. Five or ten minutes late is one thing, but an hour late, without a phonecall, is unacceptable. If he is to be home by ten, that does not mean 11.





If he is the good kid you say, he will listen to you if you spell out why you want him home by a certain time. If he is going to be late due to circumstances or want to stay later to spend more time with friends, he must call right away.





You would be over-strict only if you wanted him home by eight after a 7:00 meeting. Again, as long as you know who he is with and where he is, take it easy. Just remind him that an hour late is not acceptable.
Reply:I wish I knew how old he is. Well realize he is growing older and that too much pressure will cause him to rebel and have secrets. Unless you see a problem, just flood him with encouragement, love, hugs and tell him how proud you are. In other words positive reinforcement. The fact that he works after school is BIG. How many teenagers do that?
Reply:I am a teenager, age 15. I recently got into some trouble, my party got busted bad. My dad could have lashed out at me and just totally lost it, but instead he did something so sweet caring and meaningful that actually made a point. he sat down in a nice comfy spot and talked to me. he told me about the dangers of alcohol, he warned me about what could happen, he told me that I would have to face the consequences now with my friends being mad. Sometimes we talk alot, and I think it helps so much. Coming from me, a teenager, Im saying that talking to your kids could mean everything!! Sit down in the living room, kick back, and talk about drinking and driving, smoking, sex..whatever worries you. just be nice and cool and casual about it. use your knowledge of life to give him advice on what consequences he could face. let him know that you trust him and believe in him, and tell him about consequences dumb choices can make. its so meaning ful. and that way you wont have to worry as much. it might be a little awkward but itssss soo meaningful for us, nothing could do us any better than having an open and honest relationship where we know we can talk about anything. Im sure to this day that I learned more from chatting with my dad than what 4 months of grounding could have ever taught.
Reply:It's OK to want to protect him from getting into trouble or something. I'm fourteen and my parents can be like that too. They too want me to have a social life, but just like you, they want me to have a good group of friends. Teens aren't always so stable sometimes-so it's understandable for the reasons you've got. In fact, it's a good thing that you care about your son-unlike most parents who could care less.


As a parent, it's your job to raise your son with good morals that can help him the real world-teach him right from wrong and all. It's also your job to protect him too. BUT not too much. When I want to go out with my older sister or my friends, I talk to my parents about it. I turn on my cellphone and let them know where I want to go, when I want to go and come back and so on. Try and work with your son. Talk out things with him. Meet his friends beforehand if you want-that way you can get a better idea of who he hangs out with. If you feel as if you can trust him and the people he hangs out with, then let him go. Make sure the place is decent too. Then, you can determine if it's a good idea for him to go.


Chill by knowing that he is trustworthy and won't abuse the trust you give him. Give him a cellphone (if he doesnt own one already) for protection and make sure he is in a safe and public place. It takes time to let go-but the way my parents are slowly letting go is by realizing that I'm trustworthy. After years of proving how reponsible and trustworthy I am, I can now go hang out.


It's OK to still worry too-it's normal and is an OK thing!! Just be sure that when you worry you're not holding back your son from enjoying his social life.





I appluad you for being such a good parent!


All the best!
Reply:Its all right to be protective but ( i answered your other ?) I think he should "think" he has a lot of room to do stuff but you should be in control. If you just talk to him, he will listen and probably understand. Just tell him how much you love him because you do.