How often do you argue w/ your wife/husband now?Those who have married long time.Does it make any difference?

11 years of marriage,I could say we already had 3 huge 'serious' fight.That almost made us apart.(confidential.)We sorted it out,and swore not to ever have that kind of fight again.The rest were just normal husband/wife argumentations(but not jealousy)I have accepted it 4 the last time.Now just family matters,kids,and my thing..He wouldn't let me do my thing..I just need some time for myself with my friends,but he wouldn't let me.And told me to just take care of my children instead of wasting time meeting up with them...We fought,It keeps on going on like for a year now.It's exhausting,stressful,painful,thinking of it over and over makes me "nuts" I'm the one who suffered most.He don't seem to feel it much.He doesn't even know he's hurting me,every minit.He's lucky to have someone patient liked me.but I'm almost loosing my patient.I wish to have more strength,to hold on,longer.Any advice?serious one.It's 2008,I expected new beginning,I hope and pray.You think there's still hope?(sigh

How often do you argue w/ your wife/husband now?Those who have married long time.Does it make any difference?
It took more than 15 years and a couple times very close to throwing in the towel before we hammered things out.


At this point, we have learned a lot of tools for recognizing problems early and doing something about them before the situation escalates into a fight.





There are lots of good resources out there for learning how to get through tough stuff. Patience is helpful, but if you're depending on that then you'll wait forever. Both of you must take an active hand in learning and working to change what's going on in your heads.
Reply:Next time just leave the kids with him and go do your things ,obviously your friends are more important than your husband so go live with them .....
Reply:Sounds like counselling is in order for you and your husband. Get it out. Be fair and be honest.
Reply:We argue once a year, or less.
Reply:it doesnt matter how long you have been married..


weather its 2 years or 100


being a mom and being a wife is a tuff job !


and yes, you need "your time" and "your friends"


and your husband needs to be willing to except,appreciate and support this





the argueing doesnt realy make a difference - an arguement is nothing more than a shouting match that causes a lot of stress and hurts everyone involved


and in the end you get no wheres,but stressed out.





talk with your husband - communication is a good place to start and tell him how your feeling.


and ask him why he feels the way he does (he has a right to his opinions and feelings as well)


ask him about counceling and if he would be willing to go.





if he says no to counceling and the talk gets you no wheres


and he isnt willing to value the fact that you need your time and you need your friends (guys and girls),, then its time to give your entire relationship a seconed look and see if its benifitting you or if your just unhappy and misserable....





you can answer that one and make your own mind up as to which direction you wish to head in,but I know if it were me, and im sure others feel the same way


if my husband wasnt willing to give me those things, then I would be walking away and starting over
Reply:We have 'discussions' but don't get into heated arguments. When we were first married, we'd fight until we finally realized that no one is a 'mind-reader' and it is up to each person to express their feelings and thoughts to the other.


Also, your husband needs to deal with his 'insecurity' issues; why he feels threatened if you would go out with your friends or do something on your own. He needs to learn to trust you. If he can't it will ruin any relationship. Ask him,point blank, why your going out with your friends or spending some 'me time' causes him such duress. Don't ask in anger but calmly and look into his eyes; let him know he can let you in on his insecurities.