Any ideas on how to talk your stubborn Father into a surgery that he has to have, but refuses?

My Father-in-law has a Pituitary tumor that the doctors say has to be removed.


Otherwise, he's at a high risk of a stroke or losing his vision, among other problems.


He has seen a Neurologist and is supposed to go see a Neuro-Surgeon, but is out right refusing.


My Mother-in-law is absolutely going nuts. Her nerves are shot because of all this.


He has trouble walking, he staggers and looks like he's drunk. He has poor coordination, which is why he went to the doctor to begin with.





We have tried everything.


We have tried telling him how much we love him and don't want anything to happen to him.


We have tried telling him they caught this early so atleast NOW it can be taken care of, making him lucky they found it.


We have tried telling him for being such an intelligent person he sure is acting stupid about this.


We have tried telling him how this is affecting Mom.


Nothing works.


He won't even make the appt to see the doctor.


He wants to wait to see how he feels.

Any ideas on how to talk your stubborn Father into a surgery that he has to have, but refuses?
The thought of surgery can be very frightening to some people. Especially if its in a sensitive area of the body. Your dad sounds very afraid. I had to have surgery a year ago to remove a tumor and I had never been put to sleep before and they think I had a mild heart attack, as a result of all the worrying. I didn't even realize I was worrying. I used to work in a long-term care facility taking care of stroke victims. You should take your dad to a nursing home and ask to see people who have had severe strokes. After caring for these people it opened my eyes. I took care of patients who could only move their eyes and no other part of their bodies. all this as a result of stroke. I met people who we literally trapped in their bodies. They tried to speak, and it sounded like jibberish. They would literally cry because they could not communicate their feelings and you could not understand them because their speech was gone. When they went to write it down, they were unable. It's truly sad. Pray for your dad that he will make the right decision.
Reply:Send the children and grandchildren, one at a time in to tell him bye.... each give him a small gift that he wont be able to see in a few weeks. Have a large family dinner to tell him good bye. Do lots of crying about how he will be missed. , and start a large poster with his last wishes and funeral plans. Make plans for what mom will do when he is gone. Be very detailed. Make sure he hears and agrees with everything. Then don't call for a few weeks. Harsh, I know, but nothing else works.
Reply:Well, perhaps a little understanding of his anxiety about the surgery is an order. Maybe taking some anti anxiety meds could help.But, certainly seeing a physiologist could help too.


They have these specifically for people going through health related problems, such as surgery and they are more able to get to the root of the problem. I think he wants to be macho and think he can handle this, but explain to him how being macho is going through with it and becoming your hero.





Try to remain calm and see how he feels. OK.





I had both meds and psychologist, its only normal to feel this way. As there is so many risks and discussing these risks with the doctor can help. But, jumping on him about it all the time will only make it worse. Lay off a little and suggest alternatives with someone he talks to and/or listens too and


have them suggest to see the head doctor and get him feeling everything will be alright, just need to go in and get it done. But, being in his shoes and its a hard pill to swallow, but if its about life or death, then its time to either accept his behavior or find him a shrink.





Good Luck.
Reply:I would give him a piece of paper and a black pen. Tell him since he is refusing to get medical treatment, he will need to write his last will and testament so all his loose ends will be taken care off. Then tell him the other option is to get the surgery.
Reply:Remind him again and again that this is a life threatning disorder...Its gonna take a wake up call like a nightmare or (I hate to say this) but for some thing bad or painful to happen to him