Mothers of daughters???

Please, please some advice.... I have2 boys and then lucky me-had a daughter. The problem is she has been quite difficult from day one. She is 4 1/2 years old and she whines and cries constantly-every day-all day. I make sure she gets naps and plenty of sleep, she takes naps at pre-school but nothing and I mean nothing makes this child happy. I have taken her to the doctor to rule out any kind of medical problem so I know its not that. I guess I am just wondering if there are any other moms with little girls who have the same problem. Is it just the difference between boys and girls or is my daughter an exception to the rule? Please help me, it is getting to the point where I don't like being around my own child....her incessant whining drives us all nuts.....

Mothers of daughters???
I have the whiniest daughter ever, I know just what you're going through. But I don't think it is necessarily a girl thing because my mil swears that it reminds her of her two brothers and some uncles from her side of the family. Plus, my other little girl is just bright and sunny.





Practically, your little girl has become addicted to the drama. refuse to accept whining as communication. Do your best to give no attention to the fits (I know, easier said than done) and really be on the lookout for good behavior so that you can praise it. Try to find some time where you can spend some time with her one on one, without her brothers. Lastly, if she continues, tell her she can whine and cry all she wants, but not when there are other people around. Escort her to her room and tell her she can come out when she has calmed down.


It's a long row to hoe but I promise it does get better if you keep your head.
Reply:I have to agree with the mom of 4 girls. I too have 4 girls (ages 8,6,3,2) and the whining can drive anyone NUTS!!! I wouldn't say girls whine more than boys but it's different. In my opinion there are phases when the whining is worse (age three is very difficult for me).


This is what I do...I first tell them they need to talk to me like a big kid and then I will listen. I will completely ignore them until they do. It might get temporarily worse before it gets better because you are taking away their control. You are the parent, you are in control. If that doesn't work we put them in timeout. I don't mean on the stairs because you can still hear and see them making it hard to ignore the actions which will make you lose your patience. My husband and I put them in the bathroom. There isn't much for fun in there. We tell her when she is ready to act the right way she is allowed out. We put the choice to act the right way in her control. We do this with our three year old (and my other girls when they've gone through this phase) and it works most days but not others. You need to be a strong parent. You are in charge. For your family's sake you need to teach her that she not the boss. Sometimes it means you are going to be mean (in a parental way) to her for a few days and really keep on her until her actions are the way you expect them. You can do it!
Reply:this may sound crazy but try, multivitamins for kids, and feed her more meals daily, not as large of course but like five little meals, make sure she eats breakfast, if my children skip a meal or there vitamins , then i can tell they are crazy, also may i suggest vitamin b complex, there is a liquid and you can put it in a milkshake, you will notice the difference almost immediately
Reply:I have four daughters and they each go through phases like that. I always joke and say that even though they have not hit puberty, they are still going through PMS! Good Luck!
Reply:When I start to feel that way about my girls I put olive oil on their back, just below the ribs. That gets essential fatty acids to the adrenal glands and I have seen my kids go from brats to angels in an instant.





I will say too, that my little one (3 1/2) does that scream or whine as soon as it looks like things won't go her way. Here are some things that I do:





When she screams I run in to the room and say "Oh my goodness are you hurt?" and try to look very concerned and upset. She looks at me like I am crazy and says no - and I say, "well that is the only reason to scream like that. If you need help, say Help Please - say it with me" and I make her repeat the words with me 3 times.





When she whines or tempers at me, I try to get her to think (blue's clues has helped with this) and tell me what she wants so I can understand and help. If she continues, I send her to her room. I tell her that she is behaving rudely and when she can behave nicely toward others she can come back.





I also try to remember that this problem escalates if I don't spend enough time with her. I need to make sure that I spend a good chunk of time with her first, then I can go do what I want for 20 mins and come back to her.





I also try to limit her sugar - which includes juice. I water the juice down as much as she will stand and if she does have too much sugar I crush up a Chromium tablet into her juice to help it move through her system more easily. Here's a link to the product I use: http://www.mynsp.com/carole/products/gui...





Honestly - little girls are delightful. They are fun and sweet and creative. They require a bit more attention and time than boys do it seems sometimes, but when they get it they are great fun.





Peace!
Reply:OK, your normal, all little girls go through this... I think anyways, mine has... She has since stopped. I have to say watching Super Nanny has taught me a lot about how to discipline my children. She whines because it creates a reaction from everyone and she is probably the center of attention the entire time she whines. Maybe she needs some special time with mom and dad by herself a little time, even if its just a story at bed. Do not pay attention to her when she whines. Tell her that little girls who whine get nothing and walk away. Let her sit there and whine, go to another room, just walk away and ignore her. If she isn't getting a reaction from you on her whining, she will realize that it is doing no good. There have been MANY days where I have gone to bed feeling upset because I really couldn't stand what my daughter did that day. BUT, I always let her know that even if I didn't like the way she behaved, I still love her, I just would rather spend time with a good girl not a whiny bad girl.
Reply:I have a three and a half year old daughter that does the same thing. It's a phase that I think all children go through. I send her to her room cause it's the only thing that has worked.
Reply:I have 2 daughters and the oldest is still doing this at times..lol..she's 6 now almost 7. What we do with her is simply tell her. WE can't deal with any more whining. We explain to her that she can tell us what she needs and what she wants in a big girl voice or we can't help her. When her whining starts we usually say ...Bri...today is not a whiney day..and most of the time she stops. If she continues, we say ok, sounds like you need some down time and time to get control of the whiney's. Then we send her to her room with some books, and her CD player...it doesn't take long for her to get control. She likes being with others too much... Bri seems to complain about everything too. We always ask..ok, we've done our best to make you happy, now what will make you happy. Her brother and sister tell her, we don't like you when you whine. IT's irritating. She adores them, so it works to keep the whiney's down. Hope this helps you. Just remember mom it isn't you. It's her personality...and she'll get better as time goes by. Mom to 3.
Reply:Well, every child is different. I have 3 daughters; ages 10, 5 and 2. The 5 year old is definitely the whiner in the family. I wouldn't say she does it all day long but she consistently whines more than her sisters or her brothers. If you can stand it, you might try just ignoring her when she starts whining. I mean, completely ignore her; act like you don't hear her at all. Only respond when she speaks in a normal, pleasant voice. It may take some time, but once she gets the point, you should see an improvement. Best of luck!
Reply:When my daughter whines she goes in time out or she loses a toy that she really likes as a timeout alternative. I use 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan to discipline my 3 year old daughter. Best of luck.
Reply:It probably seems like this is a gender related issue but it isn't. As the mom of 3 boys and 2 girls (some step kids), I can tell you that at that age, boys can whine just as much as girls whine. It sounds like your little girls is just a whiner.


I don't know if this will help but when one of my kids went through a whining phase, I would act like I couldn't understand what he was saying. I would look at him with a confused face and just kept repeating "I don't know what you're saying when you whine. I just can't understand that whiny language". I stuck to it and sure enough, they would get it. The secret it being tough and sticking to it. It's not easy and the child will likely get whinier (if that's a word) before it gets better but it did work.


I wish you the best. You've got your hands full with this little sweetie. Hopefully, it's something she'll soon outgrow. Good luck.
Reply:Girls are definitely more dramatic than boys. But I have a 4 year old stepson that is about as whiny as they come. Don't give in to the whining, ask them to use their normal voice to get what they need. Ignore until they use the normal voice. This works well for him. Hang in there, it will change.
Reply:i'm sorry to hear that. I don't have boys, but i do have a sister in law in the same situation. Is it possible that your boys are picking on her when you are not around? She might be feeling a little alone. Since boys love to play with one another with boy toys and girls like girlie things, she might be feeling some rejection and need the extra attention from you..


You can teach her how to play in the same room as your boys, but have her not get involved in their activities that way she feels like she is being a part of their fun.


Also, you might want to consider the fact that she might not be getting the time or attention she needs pre school either. Ask them if you can come in and secretly observe her behavior one day without her knowing you are there. They would probably agree too it and you would learn a little more about what does make your child happy that way you can impliment that in your home. I wish you luck, there are no easy answers, but resolve will come in due time, it will just take a little effort on everyones parts.
Reply:Worn Out By Whining


By Alyson Schafer, April 02, 2003





Toddlers are wonderfully creative. In fact, they have to be. They stand only a few feet tall have limited verbal abilities and comparatively no muscle strength. They are not yet old enough to fend for themselves and rely on adults for their care and survival. It is a testimony to their brilliance and creativity that they ensure their security and connectedness to mom with the ultimate technique: whining.





The Purpose of the Behaviour


Toddlers whine for attention and to keep us in their service. It looks something like this: “stop whining” “enough already” “use a regular voice” “oh fine, take one more cookie, but then I don’t want to hear anymore whining!” It is a regular non-stop conversation with a pre-verbal child and they can wear you down with its tone and persistence.





Strategy


If we want children to stop whining for attention we have to stop attending to it.





In order to deter this attention seeking behavior we must solve two challenges:





Ensure that the whining proves “ineffective” in getting our attention


Show the child that we will give our attention, two-fold in fact, for behaviour that is appropriate and not demanded of us.


Ignore the “Undo Attention Seeking Behaviour” - but not the child!


You may know this as the old adage “separate the deed from the doer”. Our task is to ignore the whining but not the child. That means we can stay fully engaged with the child but eliminate all the “noticing” of the whining that comes in the form of commenting, reminding, nagging, coaxing, and lecturing about their tone.





Decide what you will do


If you want your child to ask for things in a pleasant voice, you can gently and calmly tell them that you don’t respond to whining. If they would like something, you will respond to pleasant requests only.





Action not words - follow through


You never need to repeat that you don’t respond to whining, just demonstrate and live out this new “social order” by responding to pleasant voices and being non-responsive to whining. Your toddler understands from your actions, not your words. Honest!





Do the unexpected


Since whining is meant to trigger an interaction pattern (they whine, you respond with nagging, they whine some more) you can break the cycle by doing anything other than the expected response. Hugs and humour are always a good choice when trying to bust up an entrenched interaction pattern. Next time they whine, ignore it and instead ask, “would you like a hug?” or start a spontaneous tickle fight. See how it goes.





Remove the audience


Remove yourself. No need to say anything, just go. Walk out calmly, not in a huff.





Never do for a child what a child can do for her/himself


Give the gift of responsibility. Help your children be less dependant on you and less demanding of your services by training them to be responsible and independent. Teach them how to get dressed and fetch a cup of water when they are thirsty. The more they accomplish on their own, the more they will feel empowered. The more they feel empowered the less they will require or wish for your “services”.





Notice positive attention-seeking


Make sure that you make mention of the behaviour you do like to see and find ways to connect with your child in meaningful ways instead.
Reply:My daughter does her whinning off and on yes she can do alot of it but if she does it to much she goes in the corner for 5 minutes cuz I go by what her age is. Try puttin her the corner when she gets a lil to whinny. Maybe too she may be getting to much sleep too and feels sleepy all the time.